Mindful Expat Episode 34: Recognizing & Guarding Against Destructive Patterns in Relationships

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What you’ll hear in this episode:

• How not all issues in relationships can be completely resolved, but how this may actually be ok — we just need to learn how to manage them!
• Some problematic patterns that couples can fall into (what John Gottman calls the “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse” — criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling — because in his research these variables have been used to predict divorce with impressive accuracy) — and how to shift away from these into healthier, more productive dynamics with your partner
• Some specific examples of how you can word things to address problems that may come up in relationships.  Read More

Mindful Expat Episode 23: Let’s Talk About Sex! Starting the Conversation about Sexual Intimacy for Expat Partners (With Guest: Dr. Nazanin Moali)

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Today’s Mindful Expat Guest is Dr. Nazanin Moali!

Dr. Moali is a licensed clinical psychologist in the state of California in the United States. She is not only a practicing psychologist, but also a consultant, researcher, sex educator, and fellow podcaster! She has two wonderful podcasts – one in English and one in Farsi – both called Sexology, where she shares research, insights, and interviews with experts in the field of sexuality to help people better understand their own sexuality and enhance their sexual intimacy and satisfaction.

Dr. Moali was born in Iran, and moved to the United States with her family at the age of 17. From a young age, she traveled extensively and has long been fascinated with different cultures – which led her to pursue a multicultural counseling emphasis in her clinical training and to write her dissertation on post-traumatic growth following immigration. (Which is not our topic for today’s podcast, but I’m thinking we may need to see if she’d be willing to come back at some point in the future to talk about this important topic!)

What you’ll hear in this episode:

• How stress — including the stress of adapting to a new culture — can show up in the bedroom (with useful information about how to understand what’s going on physiologically in our bodies when we’re under stress), and what to do about it.
• How adapting to a new culture can impact our confidence and sense of identity, and how these challenges can impact our sexuality.
• How to talk about your sexual relationship with your partner — outside the bedroom!
• How to navigate different (or changing) levels of sexual desire in a relationship.
• How to remain connected and enhance intimacy even during times where one or both partners may be traveling frequently for work. Read More

Mindful Expat Episode 13: Nurturing Love on the Move (With Guest: Oxana Holtmann)

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Today’s Mindful Expat Guest is Oxana Holtmann!

Oxana was born and grew up in the Siberian part of Russia. She has lived in Moscow, Germany, and now the United States, in Washington, DC. Oxana works as a Conscious Leadership and Relationship Coach, helping her clients nurture and strengthen their relationships, discover their creativity, and develop a sense of personal empowerment in their lives. She specializes in working with international or transnational people – people who may consider themselves “citizens of the world,” and who may call more than one place home. She is a Certified Professional Career Coach and she also has several other coaching certifications, including in relationship and leadership coaching. Oxana is also the founder of the Conscious Global Living Project, where she works to help people living global lives find a sense of “home” within themselves and nurture close, satisfying relationships even as they may be making frequent moves.

What you’ll learn in this episode:

• Some of the common challenges that expat partners face when they relocate together.
• How expat partners can avoid some common pitfalls and work to maintain a strong, loving connection in their relationship, even when they may be going through multiple moves on a regular basis.
• About some exciting research in the world of relationships — and what helps partners stay strong and connected even through challenging times.
• Some practical tips and strategies for nurturing our relationships on the move.  Read More

Mindful Expat Episode 12: Expat & Intercultural Relationships: Growing Together Through the Challenges

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What you’ll learn in this episode:

• Some different contexts that expat or intercultural couples find themselves in and how these contexts can present unique challenges for relationships.
• Some of the most common challenges I see in expat and intercultural relationships (including some of my own experiences!).
• How open, non-defensive communication can help couples learn and grow together through the challenges rather than let them damage their relationships. Read More

Self-Care 101: Setting Healthy Boundaries

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I’ve been thinking a lot about boundaries lately: why they’re important — and yet why so many of us struggle with setting them.

I was talking to a friend in the US a few weeks ago. She was telling me how overworked she is and how she doesn’t have time for some of the things that are really important to her — spending time with her family, traveling, working on some creative projects, taking time to just relax and enjoy life. Even some parts of her work — the parts she finds most meaningful and satisfying.

The problem? Emails. Requests. Invitations to give workshops and presentations, to sit on committees, to write book chapters. Read More

Gottman’s Four Horsemen of the (Marital) Apocalypse

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couples 1If two people stay together long enough, they are bound to have some conflicts, some issues or topics that cause discord, some negative patterns.

Maybe he doesn’t pick up after himself.

Or maybe she doesn’t make as much time for him in her busy schedule as he would like.

Maybe they have different ideas for how to discipline their kids. Or handle their finances. Or how often they’d like to have sex.

While many of these issues may be resolvable, some may not be. And — news flash — that’s actually ok! The fact that not all conflicts get resolved doesn’t necessarily mean doom and gloom for a relationship. The question is not whether all the issues are ultimately completely resolved but rather how well a couple learns to manage them — and to nurture their relationship in spite of the residual issues that crop up from time to time. Read More