Mindful Expat Episode 34: Recognizing & Guarding Against Destructive Patterns in Relationships

What you’ll hear in this episode:

• How not all issues in relationships can be completely resolved, but how this may actually be ok — we just need to learn how to manage them!
• Some problematic patterns that couples can fall into (what John Gottman calls the “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse” — criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling — because in his research these variables have been used to predict divorce with impressive accuracy) — and how to shift away from these into healthier, more productive dynamics with your partner
• Some specific examples of how you can word things to address problems that may come up in relationships. 

Resources mentioned in this episode (and related resources):

• I mentioned the research of relationship expert John Gottman as well the organization that he cofounded with his wife, The Gottman Institute. To learn more about the research discussed in this episode, you can go here.
• You can also check out John Gottman’s book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, which is a fantastic resource for couples (whether they’re married or not).
• If you’re interested in looking into other books that I think are excellent for couples, check out this section of my resources page.
• We also discussed some options for looking for a couples therapist near you. The International Therapist Directory is a wonderful resource for finding English-speaking therapists around the world who are familiar with some of the unique challenges of people living abroad.

Stay in Touch!

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And, finally, if you’d like to get in touch and leave me a voice message with a question or comment that may be played in a future episode, you can do so here!

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